


The Long Haul

by scholarlyspidey



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, F/M, Gen, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Sad
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-04-08
Updated: 2019-04-16
Packaged: 2020-01-06 22:33:19
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 2,073
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18397694
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/scholarlyspidey/pseuds/scholarlyspidey
Summary: Everyone has their own way of dealing with their losses after the Snap and try to live in a world unsure of what's ahead.





	1. Introduction to the Snow

_Alone at the edge of a universe humming a tune_

_With sparkling crystals souls aglow_

_A part of thee in the key of what we know to be every part without me_

_Knows only two can make it light_

_You'll live forever tonight_

\- Joe Hawley


	2. Tony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stuck on a spaceship in the middle of nowhere, Tony tries to get over the cabin fever that's pervading him.

_ 998, 999, 1000 _

 

Tony leaned his head back against the cold metal as he finally reached the four-digit mark. It felt satisfying, but this game of counting stars was beginning to grow old again. Alone on a spaceship, millions of miles from home, the ‘invincible’ Iron Man felt like anything but. The cabin fever had set in a long time ago, but when he was bored enough to start an endless task, Tony knew it was going to be a long, timeless day. This comes just after his fruitless endeavor to wire and rewire every part of the ship, following each of the cracks in the walls to see where the metal trees branched out to and naming every storefront in New York City that he could think of.

 

But it never really mattered. Every little hobby he tasked himself with and every little cloud of thought he tried to create never could stop the torrential downpour of memories that seemed to attack him daily until he was drenched in nothing but guilt and longing. He barely knew some of their names or faces, but being reminded of that day made him feel the same as when… 

 

He couldn’t say his name, any of their names. Or what happened. It played over and over again against the star-studded background before Tony closed his eyes. 

 

He was reminded of after the Towers fell and everyone who made it out was a miracle of light shining the dark clouds of debris. How even though they were able to live that some of them wished it wasn’t them. That their co-worker had a child on the way or that their secretary volunteered more than she worked at the office. That those people deserved to make it.

 

Tony never understood that until he looked around and thought about how he was the least deserving to survive everything. That he was some barely-sober, barely-married adult that shouldn’t have been the one. 

 

Glaring across at the remnants of his suit’s helmet he wondered if the messages were even worth it at this point or just a way for him to convince himself that she would still be there waiting for him when he got home. He told her about everything of course, then about what he was doing each day, then as the days became the same thing over again he said anything and everything. How many stars he could count in the third window panel, what the soft white noise of the ship’s machinery sounded like, how weird the word ‘nail’ sounded after an hour or two of saying it. Hamlet would be impressed by the nonsensical soliloquies he spoke to his helmet. 

 

He never saw the other one much. She talked and walked like a human, but her blue-tinged face and metal-coated body demonstrated just how alien she was. She was more advanced that J.A.R.V.I.S. and F.R.I.D.A.Y. ever were but she was so lifelike it never crossed his mind that she was something /created/ by another. 

 

She hid somewhere on the ship, never really saying anything, and only offering a black-eyed stare back to any conversation he’d attempt to start. She was an engineering feat yet still was able to frighten him without her words or presence. 

 

It was only on the days when his helmet was just a helmet that he’d peruse the ship in hopes of coming across from her, peering around corners to see if he could spot her. But every time he walked around it was as if she disappeared. Purposefully avoiding him at all cost. 

 

She had to have gotten lonely. Or maybe she hadn’t been programmed to do that yet.

 

They were the last to have left Titan alive or assembled. When Tony saw what happened he was only counting down the seconds until it would happen to him. But the longer he stared at his hand the more the thought overwhelmed him that it wasn’t going to happen to him. That he wasn’t going to disappear.

 

There were still bits of the dirt stuck beneath his fingernails, itching at his scalp, sticking to his back. He couldn’t see it but he knew it was there. With no shower or any water to waste, Tony stewed in the memory of that day. Never able to wash it from himself. The red scratches left beneath his ear and spine tattooed his skin, all effortless attempts to quell the psychological itch.

 

Because he never wanted to see anything from any planet that wasn’t Earth again. He just wanted humans and space ships that weren’t meant to cross galaxies and Pepper.

 

Her name was the last to touch his lips in the months, hell maybe even years that he’s been on the ship for. Saying it to the helmet, thinking of all the words that rhymed with it, Pepper was he was trying to head back to, his old life of New York and a wife that could run his company without a single hand to help her out. 

 

Pepper was waiting for him,  _ had _ to be waiting for him. 

 

Their last conversation ended scrambled and in tears. He gripped to the thought of what any of the static could translate to. 

 

_ Don’t be an idiot while you’re in space _ . 

 

_ I hate you for going up there.  _

 

_ Please come home. _

 

God, if only he knew. Whether or not his suit was sending his messages were up in the air but he sent messages for every possible thing she could have said, could have thought when she realized where he was, probably horrified at seeing a giant metal donut of all things lifting him to who knows where. 

 

When he thought back to New York it wasn’t just Pepper he was letting down. In a cramped Queens apartment, he knew the second the ship set foot into the upper atmospheres that a young May Parker was frantically dialing her phone.

 

Tony had never had kids. He never knew what it was like for them to be there one day and gone the next. But the feeling in his heart when he heard him, heard  _ Peter _ , calling to him made Tony think he knew just the same. His chest had turned cold as it spread up his throat and down his limbs, as his hands became numb, he couldn’t really tell if he was speaking at all to the scared teen. It was like he wasn’t breathing but was living just fine. That his brain stopped working as his eyes just watching the kid that shouldn’t have been there lying on the ground one second and fading into the next.

 

He wasn’t supposed to have been there. F.R.I.D.A.Y. should’ve have deployed his chute, he should’ve gone home and studied for a test, or played basketball, or did what kids do that didn’t think they had to save the world. 

 

And now all he left behind was a grieving aunt and the weight of a hug that gripped for dear life against Tony’s body.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this chapter hasn't killed you too badly! I have spring break next week and plan to write a ton.


	3. Scott

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Scott's afraid he's losing himself the longer he stays in the Quantum Realm.

Scott wasn’t one for small spaces. He could deal with a car ride in a Prius or the crowds of concert pits, but spaces, where he felt small or helpless, frightened him to no end. 

 

It was a simple grab and go mission, collect particles from the Quantum Realm and be back in time before he grew a third arm. 

 

He joked about it, but even the thought of going subatomic made his heart race. But it was only supposed to be for a handful of seconds, minutes at the most. But then there was nothing, no noise, no people, no way out. Saying every word he could think of into the mic, cracking every line he could that would make Hope backhand him in real life.  _ Anything  _ to get her or Hank or even Janet to respond.

 

So he floated for a while. Watching the bright colors pass in front of him like fireworks, making him equally nauseated yet unable to take his eye off of the sea of color he was left in.

 

The sensory deprivation on took what felt like days for it to melt his mind. The colors around him warped and swayed their way through his vision, somewhere a ticking sound was offbeat, his free-floating form felt weightless. 

 

Scott was well aware he was losing his mind with every minute of lost contact from him to his life outside the Quantum Realm. His thoughts were better than any acid trip he’d ever stayed on, but making him more paranoid as time went on.

 

Every so often he’d be hit with a moment of clarity, fully aware of his situation, but somehow remaining in a world of calm. He’d try to once again be able to talk to anyone and ask what happened, looking down to the particles he collected that he clung to like a teddy bear and wondering just when someone would send help for the man that no one could see.

 

The colors began to deceive him over time. Scott couldn’t pinpoint just when, but the longer he stared, the more he began to see  _ things _ in the flares of color. Faces, figures, they all danced to the side of his vision, just out of reach, he’d follow them and turn his head but they’d all disappear just a fast. The faces looked somewhat familiar, a camera that just needed a focus, he could never fully grasp who they were. 

 

He’d wish just once he’d see his daughter. Hoping she’d come to him in one of the lights, but Cassie never showed. Not her hair or cheeks or perfect eyes. He cried when he realized the closest he could remember what she looked like was just a collage of features, none of them adding up just right. 

 

Hope was the same. His parents too. All were gone along with his last transmission. 

 

But for all the Realm was taking of his sight, Scott was diving in and soaking up all of the sounds and voices he still remembers from what it was like to be normal. His little girl laughing, the deep rasp of Hank’s voice, they all surrounded him. He revealed in it as much as he could, afraid that any moment they’d slip away and soon he’d even forget what he looked like. 

 

The time that passed couldn’t have been that long though, if he could break apart his car’s engine then put it back together again, he knew how long a human could survive without water and food. But the Realm messed with time too. He tried to keep track of the minutes and hours but after doing it for so long he’d only get tired enough to forget where he was. 

Every sense about him was unwinding bit by bit, but part of his mind was still slapping him awake every now and then, making him repeat the lyrics to his favorite song, do simple maths problems, anything his inner engineer can do to keep him from slipping away.

 

He used to be the one that had it all together. Graduating with honors, having the white picket fence kinda life with a wife and daughter. Then he traded in his work shirt for one with a prison ID on it, picket fences for barbed wire ones. All of that perfect went away. 

 

Until he got the suit, he was fighting bad guys, he was actually  _ helping  _ people. He was making up for all the bad he was doing enough that Maggie had started letting him see Cassie again. It was the eye of the hurricane. His life was so calm and quiet, things were getting on the right track, only for a massive storm of a setback to come in like one of life’s many cruel jokes. 

 

He could feel himself begin to slip the longer and harder he thought. But as another wispy figure fled to the right of his vision, Scott’s foggy mind was left with the fleeting hope that he’d be able to get out one of these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was soooo trippy to write and I now have to close a million tabs on the side effects of sensory deprivation! I haven't devised a schedule yet but I was thinking two to three times a week? (Also I'm planning this whole thing to be between 20-30 chapters!)

**Author's Note:**

> I plan to update two to three times a week throughout the rest of this month, I already have two chapters fully written!


End file.
